This is the second of a two-part column about youth soccer

I was in conversation with a parent of a young soccer player some time ago that was pleasantly refreshing. The young soccer player in question was eight years old and had not been playing soccer over the winter. So, one day, after a 10-week block of training indoors, the parent and I were having a conversation. When I was asked how the player was doing, I responded with the following: 鈥榃ell, you know, the player looks a little rusty having not played since the summer, however, he was very driven and motivated to catch up and match up with the remainder of the players in the program. What they were able to do in the timeframe of the indoor program.鈥�

What floored me was the response from the parent, who politely said, 鈥楾hanks, but did he have fun and enjoy himself!鈥� This was coming from a family with a young child who is passionate about soccer, who train and play together at home, in the backyard, at the community field on evening and weekends, and to this date, at age 11, still does not participate in organized or structured club soccer. In fact, the player is playing at or beyond the top of their respective age group, wise beyond their years. This was a pivotal moment for me, as I work with hundred of kids a year coaching, mentoring and inspiring youth soccer players, parents, coaches and volunteers. To this day, each time I see this family I think of how few times a parent has ever responded with, 鈥楧id they enjoy themselves and have fun!鈥�

Coaches

By far one of the most enjoyable, transformative and hilarious experiences in many years came while observing a match between two female U18 teams. On this occasion, I walked towards our team, which I would be observing as the technical director, and marched past them on the sidelines to embrace two long standing soccer friends who were coaching against us. This would turn out to be the most rewarding and entertaining 15 minutes on the sidelines I have enjoyed in a long time. The two coaches of the opposition whom I was standing with began to address the need to 鈥榟ave player number 13 taken off the pitch from our team because she was doing an outstanding job and deserved a much needed break!鈥� In fact, in a jovial manner while we were standing together, one of the two coaches hollered over to our team鈥檚 head coach that they were speaking with me at is was essential that he give the number 13 a break for doing such a great job. As the game wore on the humour flowed. Light, positive remarks were made as to how well certain players were playing and how enjoyable the experience was for their players and so on. It will be one of the greatest memories for me, standing with the opponent, laughing with the coaches, and complimenting the players/coaches while the game was being played. How often does this happen? Not enough. What has become common is, sadly, the opposite. There is one rare example of a particular coach who, when visiting our region with their team, the moment the car is parked, you can hear them yelling and screaming at players. In the warm-up. During the game. At half-time. It is really discouraging.

Volunteers

How many of you are familiar with the saying, 鈥楾here are too few volunteers and far too many critics?鈥� In my experience, there is always a need for more volunteers, but few are available to fill those roles. So, the workload of many ends up in the hands of a few. Far too common. Even more difficult to digest is the thankless role these people serve. Giving, giving, giving and more giving. How often do people take the time to thank the volunteer for the role they are filling? Sadly, the majority of the time a volunteer is approached is when there is a problem, some deserved of the attention of the organization, but for the most part, generally issues easily resolved without the time and energy of the volunteer. What does it take for the public to realize and accept the value of these volunteers. There a few new people coming forward to fill these roles. Even better, what does it take to shift away from the constant criticism from parents who feel that their son or daughter, and/or their team is not being treated fairly? What does it take to turn the negative into a positive action? Importantly, regardless of the outcome, regardless of the pressure, regardless of the result, how often do we approach the referee, the coach from the opposition, the opposing players, the volunteers in the club/community and say, 鈥橳hank you.鈥�

Goal Setting

Realistic goal setting. There are so many distorted values placed on youth in this day and age. Locally, there are 2,000 players ages six to 18 years, one of whom trains more than any young player I have ever met. Yet, each and every player, parent and family has goals. This particular player has elevated the concept of drive and determination to new levels. Each time I speak in front of a group of youth soccer players familiar with this particular individual I ask them, 鈥楬ow many of you are willing to work as hard as you know who?鈥� The reality of the situation is that few, if any, will have similar drive, passion or determination. However, in other parts of the world 鈥� Europe, Asia, Africa, Latin America 鈥� this is how and where the dream is created. There is a massive gap between where we are as a soccer culture and where the rest of the soccer rich cultures exist. There is a massive gap between expectations and performance.

Expertise

When I hire a contractor to build a house, do I hover over them and instruct them along the way? When we send our children to a teacher for piano lessons, do we interrupt the teacher and tell them how they should be teaching our child to play the piano? What in the world is going on with youth soccer? In fact, each and every time I have a conversation with a parent about a soccer match, inside myself I sit and wait until they express an opinion about what was wrong with the game, how the team failed to play up to par, which players underperformed and so on. In fact, there are a few special parents who will invade your space during a halftime speech to players by instructing you from the sidelines as per what they feel the team requires to improve. Absolutely hilarious. When I envision myself attending an event my child participates in, specifically none which I will know nothing about, I simply cannot imagine advising anyone directly involved about what they should be doing differently. However, the moment my child steps away from the activity the first question will be, 鈥楧id you have fun?鈥� Once in a awhile it is a pleasure to see parents who observe their children participating, not expressing opinions to coaches, not yelling instructions to players, simply watching their child excel. Through the years there have been many examples of proud parents enjoying their children training on a Friday night, acknowledging how nice it is to see them working hard at something they enjoy and staying out of trouble. It simply amazes the amount of expertise in youth soccer from highly uneducated sources. Did you know that soccer coaches with more than 30 years of experience in the game as players and/or coaches sometimes have an understanding of the greater good for your son or daughter? Why is there so much negativity towards these people who step forward to help make your son or daughter a better person? We have been running residential camps as a family on a remote rural island for almost 20 years. There have been youth soccer players and coaches attend from across Canada. Many of the players and coaches have been involved with the national team system, provincial team programs and even the professional clubs academy model. However, when they come together for the week with players they have never met, do you know what their measure of success is? How well they get along, trust, respect, laugh and motivate one another. There is a natural cycle of mentor coaching embedded in the culture of these camps, rotating through groups as they graduate from the program as players and return to work with the next generation as mentor coaches. There is no expertise with regard to the level of coaching these mentor coaches provide at this early stage of their career. However, they do have an amazing understanding of the program goals, and work hard to ensure the next generation of youth attending these camps follow the same path.

Community

Once in awhile the game presents moments which make you go, Hmm. Recently, I received a letter from a parent. Inside was a note and a cheque for $1,000. The note read as follows: 鈥楻ecently, we came into some unexpected money that I wanted to share with you. Thanks to you, your family and your coaches who always made my son feel special. For all those years you let him come to camp for free. I wanted to share this donation with you so that you can provide another opportunity for another young person. Thank you so much for your guidance and passion through the years - my child is a better person thanks to your program.鈥� Instant tears streaming down my face. Why? Because this is not about a gold medal, a championship game or award - this is about people. We are here to build a better community, all of us. Like it or not, beyond the results, lie a more important detail that seems to be lost. What happened to the days when youth played soccer in large groups mixed with all ages and genders? When children played soccer without instruction and/or officials. They still do this in many parts of the world with tremendous success. Have you ever driven through a remote Latin American fishing village and noticed a turf soccer field? Have you noticed in this same community that all shapes and sizes of people young and old are wearing soccer gear all over the place? Have you ever noticed how this soccer field brings the community together for the sport they are passionate about? Have you ever noticed what is it like in your community? Do all players, parents, coaches and volunteers work toward a common good? I sure hope so, but I can assure you, there is a small part of the population picking out what is going wrong with your community development regarding the game of soccer. The next time one of these people try to inform you of what you know, or even better, the next time one of you try to write more negativity on a blog, try to find something POSITIVE. It is time we gave the game back to the kids.

Shel Brodsgaard is the soccer development co-ordinator for the the VIPL Riptide program