Akash Apurva has tried the whole online dating thing before, but it didn't live up to the hype.

When you're online, you don't get to see the real person and their real personality, he said. It can be a time waster and often people are non-committal. On top of that, it just doesn't feel like the most authentic form of dating for him.

鈥淚鈥檓 an old-school person who would want to meet people in person,鈥� said the 37-year-old owner of Serious Coffee Shop in Esquimalt.

So when he set out to make his coffee shop a "place for the community," he saw the atmosphere having potential for dating events, like speed dating. It led him to reach out to Victoria dating coach Tamara Del Elis, who has since hosted 8-10 speed dating events at Serious Coffee, he estimates.

It's a dating form that appears to be growing. According to Eventbrite, speed dating events on its platform have increased significantly in recent years, with more than a 60 per cent increase in the first few months of 2023 compared to the previous year.

Apurva even decided to give it a shot himself. 鈥淚t鈥檚 been a really good experience. It was really pleasant," he said. As an introvert, he could "go with the flow" and it was an easier and more relaxed way to meet new people than approaching someone at a bar.

'Speed dating can't be beat!'

There's a reason 鈥� actually, many 鈥� that Del Elis hosts speed dating events as part of her roster of monthly singles events.

"There is no other event structure that offers as much transparency as speed dating," she said, reporting that many of her clients report burnout from their disappointing online dating experiences. 

At her events, each pair interaction is eight minutes long. For the changeover, the men move over to the next seat. The entire session is 96 minutes, meaning attendees talk to 12 people. Everyone gets a sheet to take notes discreetly between each date, and at the end of the night, Del Elis receives everyone's cards. When there is mutual interest between participants, Del Elis will share their preferred contact methods. 

In these brief in-person exchanges, there is "so much information" exchanged quickly; everything from the sound of someone's voice to "how they move their body, and the real-time exchange of ideas", things that are "hugely impactful on attraction."

"In terms of time, energy and cost efficiency, speed dating can鈥檛 be beat!" she said. "Dressing up for one special night out on the town and going on more dates than most people will experience in a year is not only an adventure, but also a very promising dating opportunity."

Other benefits Apurva saw are that the participants put more effort, investment and commitment into the process, there is a diversity of participants, and it gives everyone an equal opportunity and chance to talk with someone. 

Getting over the fear

While Apurva said it's usually a "full house", especially the 35+ events, starting a speed dating event and getting people to participate is not always easy, as another local Margaret Magee conveyed.

Magee, 66, organized a speed dating event for ages 60+ but found it difficult to rope in enough men, some of whom expressed fear of rejection. Comparatively, she said the women approached it as more of a fun activity with less stakes.

A happy medium was found when she turned the event into a mingle at a local pub. "We're evolving," she said.

However, speed dating still appeals to her. "It's a really quick way to meet someone, someone you wouldn't have met ordinarily in your daily life. And maybe you'll be friends or maybe you'll find someone who's more important to you."

Apurva felt anxious before he tried it, but drew on his experience as a "striving" comedian who has dabbled in two standup comedy shows at his coffee shop. Getting on stage is "kind of like dating"; it's all about having the "right intention" and having fun, he said. Approaching the stage became less scary after seeing other comedians, even pros, bomb jokes, and realizing that the worst thing that could happen is people won't laugh.

鈥淚 know I was scared. I was contemplating, 'I don鈥檛 know what鈥檚 going to happen. I鈥檝e not done this before," he said. "Showing up is a big part ... I think it鈥檚 something that needs to be experienced for people who are really looking for companionship. You鈥檝e got to make that effort."

Going in without prepared questions helped him feel more relaxed. "It should be really organic,鈥� he said. 鈥淚 take it as if I鈥檓 meeting another person like any other way. That basically gives me a bit of confidence.

鈥淵ou either enjoy the conversation or [not].鈥�

Success stories flow to Del Elis' inbox all year long, stories of rekindled romantic connections, widowers who find love "when they were about to surrender all hope," and marriages and babies that come years down the line.

"Of course, not everyone makes a once-in-a-lifetime love connection," Del Elis said. "What is certain is that all leave the event reminded that, after many enjoyable mini-dates, there is no scarcity of outstanding singles in Victoria who, like them, are looking for love."