Dementia-related diseases such as Alzheimer鈥檚 can be difficult for adults to understand, so how can we possibly explain it to our children?

Young children might ask questions similar to, 鈥淒ad, how come Nana doesn鈥檛 know who I am anymore?鈥� or 鈥淢om, today Nana was talking to my doll as if it was real. And she was rocking it back in forth. Isn鈥檛 that a bit strange?鈥�

As adults, it can be very confusing to know how much to tell children about their grandparent or great-grandparent鈥檚 disease and what words to use. And for some of us, we might be thinking, 鈥淒o I want to expose my child to the stress of watching their grandparent slowly decline and not be able to remember?鈥�

This is especially true when our children feel hurt not to be remembered, or scared by a grandparent鈥檚 change in behaviour.

Alzheimer鈥檚 Disease is one of the top-10 leading causes of death for seniors and, on average, loved ones live 10 years with the disease. The reality is that Alzheimer鈥檚 and other dementias are terrible degenerative diseases.

Children need someone to answer their questions. The more you know and the more you talk about it, the less scared they will (and you will) be.

Remember, it鈥檚 a disease. Alzheimer鈥檚 disease or other dementias are simply that 鈥� diseases.

Even young children can learn that dementia affects the brain and that a grandparent with dementia forgets things and has trouble speaking and understanding others. Books are a great way to help a child better understand the disease and to realize their feelings are normal.

The Alzheimer鈥檚 Society has some good resources at.

Keep it Simple. Paula Spencer, Senior Editor of the Alzheimer鈥檚/Dementia channel uses simple and effective examples to explain Alzheimer鈥檚 such as:

鈥淏oppa Charlie has a disease that is sort of like having a tape recorder in your head, but the tape recorder is turned off. When he was younger, the tape recorder was on, so he remembers a lot of things from his past.鈥�

鈥淎re you really good at everything? Well, sometimes people aren鈥檛 very good at memory. Sometimes people have problems when they get older 鈥� sometimes they need glasses, sometimes it鈥檚 a cane or a walker. Sometimes they can鈥檛 remember. It doesn鈥檛 mean they can鈥檛 do anything anymore.鈥�

An older child or teenager is ready for more details and matter of fact answers such as 鈥淣ana could wander away from the house and get lost.鈥�

Ease their fears. Because it鈥檚 a disease, most children worry about 鈥渃atching鈥� Alzheimer鈥檚. Even if your child doesn鈥檛 ask, reassure them they won鈥檛 鈥渃atch鈥� Nana鈥檚 memory problems from hugging, kissing or being too close. Tell them it has nothing to do with germs.

Also, explain to children that the grandparent still loves them very much but that s/he can鈥檛 remember things that just happened, or even the names of people close to her.

Grandparents with Alzheimer鈥檚 often forget grandchildren鈥檚 names, because they鈥檙e more recently acquired memories rather than more lifelong and long-term relations.

Expect the Good, The Bad and the Ugly. Most of the time, children are caring and sensitive to emotions. But be ready for the moment when your child says, 鈥淚 don鈥檛 like visiting Great-Grandma Jean. It smells funny in her room and all she does is repeat herself over and over again.鈥�

It鈥檚 natural for children or teenagers to feel embarrassed or angry by their grandparent鈥檚 behavior. They may even decide they no longer want to visit with their grandparent.

It鈥檚 very upsetting for a child to watch their grandparent become someone they don鈥檛 know. During the late stages of the disease, it鈥檚 important not to force the relationship.

Wendy Johnstone is a gerontologist and is the founder of Keystone Eldercare Solutions. Her column runs in the Comox Valley Record every second Friday.