Q: I am not sure if this is something that you can help with or not. It is not really a big problem in the grand scheme of things; however, it continues to nag me and I am starting to wonder if things could be different.
Over the last while, I have found that I am increasingly 鈥渂lah鈥� 鈥� for lack of a better word. I wonder how others do it and remain cheerful, motivated and happy. Things just are not as interesting for me as they once were. At times I feel like I am just going through the motions.
At other times, things are just fine. I manage going to work and to other activities. I am involved with my wife and children and we all have good relationships. It is not like it is always there or like I am not able to do things.
I have been to my doctor a few times and she does not feel that I am depressed. I am not interested in medications at this point, anyway. I am wondering if this is a common feeling and what others do to stay cheerful and motivated as they go through the monotony of their daily lives?
A: The feeling you describe is a feeling that I am sure most people can relate to in some way or another. For some, it is a passing thought or feeling that has little impact in their day-to-day lives.
For others, it is a feeling that comes or goes during specific times of the year or around specific events or anniversaries.
For many, it is a temporary feeling that goes away as quickly as it comes. Yet for others, it can develop into something that is quite debilitating and destructive.
For you, it does not sound as if you are in the latter category at this point, but you are concerned enough about it to start to ask questions.
It is important that you consult with your family doctor and raise this issue as it appears, as there may be some medical issues that could be contributing to the feeling. It is important to manage these with the help of your family doctor.
After medical causes for your symptoms are ruled out, taking a look at and exploring other causes may be of some help.
Part of the challenge, however, will be that there are many theories and ideas about how people can remain cheerful, happy and motivated. I am sure you will get many different thoughts and opinions from as many people as you care to ask.
Nor is there enough space here to begin to touch on the many other attempts to answer your questions. A quick search through the local library or Internet will offer you some background that you might find useful.
Assuming that all other causes and issues have been ruled out, I will offer one approach to understanding the issue that I and some of my clients have found helpful in the past. This view was developed by a man named Mih谩ly Cs铆kszentmih谩lyi and is articulated in his book Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience.
In his studies of thousands of people across a number of cultures and continents, Cs铆kszentmih谩lyi found some common conditions under which they reported the highest degree of satisfaction and happiness in their lives.
He called the times when people experienced these moments of high satisfaction 鈥渇low鈥� and articulated the conditions under which it occurs.
For Cs铆kszentmih谩lyi, flow occurs when three conditions are met. It occurs when one is involved in an activity with a clearly defined purpose and goal, when there is a match between the skills required by an activity and the skills we bring to an activity, and when there is clear and immediate feedback that allows the person to adjust their performance to remain in a flow state.
The research suggests that when this flow state is achieved, individuals report a great deal of satisfaction, happiness and motivation.
The goal for improving our own experiences is, then, to create more moments in which we experience flow on a day-to-day basis. We can do this by engaging in activities in a way that meet Cs铆kszentmih谩lyi鈥檚 three conditions.
If you would like to ask a question of the counsellors, for a response in future columns, e-mail them at askpacific@shaw.ca; or fax the Record at 250-338-5568 or write to them c/o the Record. Consult a Counsellor is provided by the registered clinical counsellors at pacific therapy & consulting: Nancy Bock, Diane Davies, Leslie Wells, Andrew Lochhead and Karen Turner. It appears every second Friday.
